Ho, Ho, Ho…..

Bureau of Circular Affairs

Many years ago, a friend’s mother took him to shop during the Christmas holidays at a downtown department store. As they were leaving the store, he asked his mother whether there is a Santa Claus. Tillie replied, “Yes, there is a Santa. But, he does not visit little Jewish boys.” Sheldon told me that even as an eight-year old he was surprised with her mean answer.

For me, this interchange epitomizes the dilemma of holiday season expectations. How do we handle the myths, songs, commercialization, hyper-activity, and general jolliness? Do any of these scenarios describe your reality?

I am so stressed over whether I purchased the exact right gift that I plan on going to Tahiti next year for the holidays. I don’t know whether to tell the children that Santa uses elf dust (from cremated elves?) to ease through the glass between the gas fireplace and family room. I just want to relax and enjoy the holiday music….except for hearing the musac version of White Christmas again and again. I am not sure how to respond when my neighbors and colleagues tell me to “have a merry Christmas.” The days are darker longer and I often feel less holly and jolly. Well, discussing how to celebrate the holiday season with the family is important because it means that I can have some fun without my expectations being raised and dashed. Talking with friends about how to handle the darkness, the holly jolly greetings, and the white Christmas noise is helpful. I happen to like children having some magic in their lives without getting too hung up on the details. If asked a specific question by a precocious child, I like explaining that adults enjoy giving gifts to children.

And when Santa passes our house this year riding atop the big, red fire truck, I intend to smile and wave.

OCCUPY WALL STREET

“Any success?”
“Nope. I show them over and over.”
“And… .”
“They keep using that little room.”

Occupy

1. To fill up (time or space).
2. To dwell or reside in.
3. To hold or fill (an office or position).
4. To seize possession of and maintain control over by or as if by conquest.
5. To engage or employ the attention or concentration of

Change is hard. I wanted to like this movement. Occupy Wall Street and its offspring apparently originated from a magazine article by Adbusters Foundation that challenged people to challenge corporate greed and economic disparity. With the economy in the doldrums, politicians in gridlock, and more and more people unemployed, a movement that asked that we reexamine our basic social contract seemed welcome relief to the shrill voices that cared more about the argument than restoring prosperity. I wondered whether the movement would demand compromise or a bold vision that rivaled the New Deal. I recall the Civil Rights Movement that demanded integration, voting rights, and employment and housing equality. I appreciate the Gay Rights Movement that demands equality. Our nation has a long history of movements that engage in lobbying, protest, referendums, guerilla theatre, and political action to gain rights. It was not so long ago that suffragettes demanded voting rights for women. I marched and lobbied to end our involvement in the Vietnam War. Despite my disagreement with its lack of compassion, I understand the Tea Party’s demands for lower taxes, less government, and a balanced budget.

Begun as a peaceful protest, the occupiers have devolved into more style than message. Testing the limits of free speech in public places and employing cute hand signals are not substitutes for an articulate agenda. As the economy rebounds, will the moment be lost? Will the center hold and the casualties of this most severe recession – including the thousands of newly discharged veterans - continue to suffer without meaningful help? Will the Occupy organizers have squandered their fifteen minutes of fame with catchy demonstrations and memories of what might have been?

Perhaps I am too critical and from chaos shall spring transformation. While I prefer a clearly articulated movement, I guess I will have to settle for mainstream Democrats becoming energized by the Occupiers’ outrage to craft a message with inspiration and understandable goals for the “movement.”

1. A series of actions and events taking place over a period of time and working to foster a principle or policy.
2. An organized effort by supporters of a common goal.
3. A tendency or trend.

Tis the Season

“He was trying to dress for work... in the dark…no lights.”
“Why?”
“So he would not wake me.”
“How sweet.”
“But he was grumbling, ’Bargains! Arghh! Can’t get these darn socks on!
"I said, 'Dave, you’re trying to put on my evening gloves.'”

I recall holiday visits from Uncle Harry and Aunt Gloria. Harry, my mom’s brother, was a government worker who liked to smile, was short of opinions, and suffered his wife’s bitterness about my mom’s suggestion that they consider institutionalizing their Down’s syndrome daughter. They would travel from the Bronx to our large, suburban New Jersey house bringing my mom’s father, who was called Zayda. Zayda’s real name was Peter Herman. A former carny, Zayda specialized in telling jokes to bring in the rubes. When I knew him, he worked in a department store selling wallets and ladies handbags. He still liked to tell jokes even though he never got over my mother having stopped taking care of him when she left his household – despite having lost his wife - to marry my dad. Uncle Dave, my mother’s other brother, and Aunt Doris would arrive from Brooklyn to also share the holiday meal. They were a good-natured, fun-loving couple who taught their two sons to resent their relatively wealthy relatives. Grandpa Joseph Friedlander, my dad’s father, would arrive by himself, having figured out how to take a train from Manhattan. He was a strong, silent, cigar smoker who never forgave his wife for having first taken his sons to live separately and then dying. Despite their family history, we would gather around the dinning room table and, like a scene from Annie Hall, the conversation rollicked. Jokes, stories, remembrances, and family misadventures flowed with the Manischewitz wine. Offenses, hurts, and hard feelings were put aside during those raucous meals while they related to each other as they had while growing up during the Great Depression. In those growing up years, their survival depended on caring for each other.

I’ll admit the big-screen TV is great. The latest video games and gadgets are cool. However, the chance to put those aside, along with an entire year’s worth of self-righteous anger, for a few hours of enjoyment with family and friends are what we remember about the holidays.

Live Donor Organs

Organ Talk
"Is Chinese cheaper?”
"Yes, but you have to go after each hour."

Platform Programme at Conway Hall
South Place Ethical Society, London, England.

Ethical Doubt About a Market in Live Donor Organs. Dr. Simon Rippon asks if we should be permitted to sell our unnecessary organs. £3 on the door/ free to SPES members.

As evidenced by the advertising blurb listed above, England is having a lively debate about the ethics of a commercial market involving human organs. Some argue that permitting the buying and selling of body parts will expand availability, lower costs, and can be regulated to avoid exploitation. Others argue that it will exploit the poor because who else would be willing to trade a kidney for cash?

In the United States, about 7,000 people die each year for the lack of an organ transplant. Kidneys are the primary organ in demand. Some 17,000 kidneys are transplanted annually. However, some 90,000 individuals need kidney transplants. The waiting list for all organs is over 100,000. In 1984 Congress outlawed the commercial trade of organs through the National Organ Transplant Act. Congress also established the "United Network For Organ Sharing," the country's monopoly provider of organs. This organization maintains the national waiting lists under an exclusive contract with the Department of Health and Human Services. For example, organ donors in Virginia can register with DonateLifeVirginia.org.

We can legally sell our blood and hair because, I suppose, blood and hair are capable of being regenerated. Why can’t I sell my heart or liver or lungs should I experience an untimely death? I suppose the answer is that some unscrupulous persons may be willing to help me toward completing the transaction. So, why can’t I sell just one eye? Why can’t I sell just one of my kidneys?

I do not know the answer. What I like about the English is their willingness to engage in this type of public debate that makes us Americans somewhat uncomfortable because it deals with death and disease.

Rah! Rah! Rah!

“My Sport?”

“Competitive eating is not for everyone.”

The St. Louis Cardinals recently won the World Series baseball championship. My spouse, a transplanted St. Louis native who has lived in the greater Washington, D.C. area for over twenty years, was joyous. Her brother living in Norfolk and sister now residing in Wisconsin were equally thrilled. I asked whether she received any tangible benefit because that particular business consisting of professional athletes prevailed. “No, that is not the point,” she responded. Then I saw an online posting where a Facebook friend pointed out to another former St. Louis native (who had been enthusing over the Cardinals) that by excluding the Japanese, the contest between American and National League teams was not a bona fide “world series” contest. Like my dour complaint, her comment also came across as churlish. I accept the fact that I feel slightly better on Monday morning if the Redskins win. I prefer the Nationals to win more games than they lose. I like the Wizards to work magic once in a while. On the few occasions that our local – academically superior - high school wins a sports event, I am slightly pleased. Why? Why? Why?

Here is my theory of the proxy. As a child, I can remember daydreaming about being a superhero or at least a person with special powers of flight, invisibility, or strength. In my fantasies, people would fear or admire me. At a minimum, life would become exciting. My imagination could create endless stories about rolling over bullies, surviving on a deserted island, or capturing the charms of a lovely damsel. No matter how much pee wee football I tossed around with Jay, stickball I played with Jeffrey, or basketball I played with Jack, I would not make the Columbia High School football, baseball, or basketball squads. Wrestling, track, swimming, golf and tennis were not available for an enthusiastic but mediocre athlete. In addition to wanting individual recognition, we are also herd animals. We want closeness with others with whom we seek mutual protection. True, we like to believe on some level that we are unique individuals (Mr. Rogers told us that we are special); however, conformity provides its own strength and safety. When a local team wins, we feel like we are part of that effort.

By proxy, we prevail.

On the Island of the Cyclopses

Kid Talk



“If you were stranded on a deserted island..?”
“Pizza.”
“One TV show?”
“Glee.”
“One book?”
“Robinson Crusoe.”
“One best friend?”













A Cyclops is a mythical one-eyed giant. In Homer’s epic, the cyclops Polyphemus traps Odysseus and his men in a cave after they land on the Island of Cyclopses. Polyphemus begins to smash and eat Odysseus’ men. Odysseus tells Polyphemus that “my name is Nobody” before getting him drunk and poking out his eye with a flaming stake. When Odysseus and his remaining men escape from the cave by attaching themselves to the underside of Polyphemus’ sheep, Polyphemus shouts to his fellow cyclopses that nobody hurt him. The other cyclopses ignore his outburst and Odysseus and his men escape.

What captured my attention in this story was not so much the blood and gore and trickery. Rather, I was intrigued by the idea of what it means to be a one-eyed person. I recall the expression, “In the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king.” While that may be true, one eye literally results in a more restricted view. That island along with his fellow cyclopses represents Polyphemus’ full range, whether one-eyed or blind. The cyclopses harm outsiders who are not part of their “tribe.” That is, they live in a closed world populated solely by those who are similar in nature to them. They are xenophobic to the point of devouring all traces of any foreigners.

As social animals, we form alliances both for survival and to combat the sense of isolation that burdens each of us with fear of being alone in the world, in the universe, and within our own minds. And by striking out Polyphemus’ one eye, the early Greeks were offering a cautionary tale about the importance of social connections between family, friends, and – most importantly – strangers.

I am Legend

Teen Talk

“Thank you notes are important.”
“Why, Mom?”
“They tell someone you appreciate their thoughtfulness.”
“Can I appreciate them with a tweet?”

In I Am Legend, Will Smith plays a scientist who elects to remain in Manhattan amongst hordes of rabid New Yorkers (much like in real life). The sick creatures were affected by a virus mistakenly created to cure cancer. Although Smith’s family has died and he believes that he may be the last person in New York not infected, he continues working toward a cure.

On one level, the movie is a monster adventure that pits Smith against his night-stalking neighbors. On another level, the movie is a science fiction story that asks whether man’s arrogance will destroy our world. On yet another level, the move suggests historic periods of mass hysteria when entire populations were swept up in fear expressed through irrational, ugly behavior. Think Salem witch trials, McCarthyism, or Islamophobia. At its core, the movie asks why someone would act selflessly.

At first, we are led to believe that Smith’s altruism originated from a stubborn desire to complete his work. Ultimately, he describes being motivated to find a cure by a fierce drive to preserve the human species. In Ethical Culture, we believe that good deeds emanate from relationships. That is, we are willing to assist others because it meets our basic needs for trust, mutuality, safety, and companionship. Meeting these needs gives our lives meaning.

Marv

Member, Northern Virginia Ethical Society

The Human Condition

Senior Talk

“How’s the needle work coming?”
“I’m almost done.”
“What will it say?”
“’Growing old ain’t for sissies!’”

Jone Johnson Lewis delivered a recent Platform talk at the Northern Virginia Ethical Society in which she discussed the three pains that Felix Adler, founder of Ethical Culture, described as fundamental to the human condition. I would have described them as my spouse, my kids, and my parents. On the other hand, they have also been my greatest joy. Adler posited that the human condition suffers three fundamental pains because we (1) want personal significance while knowing we are merely motes in time; (2) long to improve a world we see beset by unending calamities; and (3) try to live up to our ideals despite our imperfections. Don’t panic. Recall for a moment the sweet pleasure of an infatuation that grew into love. Now recall the stomach-wrenching feelings when you thought you were rejected by your sweetheart. Could you experience the one without risk of experiencing the other? Perhaps our aspirations and despairs are inextricably intertwined. For example, love, childbirth, and learning offer joyful possibilities along with the likelihood of great pain.

Self-worth and relationships are the balms that help steer me through the human condition.

Marv Friedlander
Member, Northern Virginia Ethical Society

What’s Ethical About Exercise?

When Gym Instructors Talk

“Yesterday, I told my class to stick out your tongues.”
“That’s nothing. Today, I told my class to only wear one shoe.”

I once moved to an apartment complex in Arlington, Virginia, that was adjacent to a trail. I began jogging along the trail. It seemed perfect. The trail’s dirt surface was covered by a finely ground gravel. I liked the shock absorption. The trail itself meandered along stream beds, through woodlands, and past rocky outcrops, which provided variety, shade and greenery amidst an urban setting. Several years later, I read that the trail had to be dug up and reconstructed because the top layer consisted of rocks that were replete with asbestos. I wonder whether my jogging was a matter of bad timing. I believe that my overall health improved from that effort. No bad effects noticed yet. So, why exercise?

Fear - We want to avoid serious health issues. We want to live forever. Guilt – We are told we need to do something about our weight, circulatory system, and muscle tone. Someone told us that we owe it to our family to stay in shape. Companionship – We want to participate in athletic activities with others. Ego – We want to be attractive to others. We feel better about ourselves. We feel superior to those “non-exercisers.” Ease – we are nudged by someone so it is easier to agree to exercise than resist. Pleasure – We enjoy particular exercises and like the feeling that comes with the actual activity.

Is there an ethical aspect in addition to the personal benefits that may accrue from exercising? Certainly, we put less stress on our personal finances and the overall health system when we take care of our bodies. Because we are in better shape, we are more able to assist others. Plus, we are less dependent on others. Think about the difference between a vital, elderly person who can navigate on his or her own as compared with an elderly person who has succumbed to illnesses that were avoidable through care for their physical well-being. I am aware that some fitness buffs may overdo it and adversely affect their health. I suspect compulsive behavior is yet another illness rather than an excuse to avoid exercise.

Where to start? A friend is continuing her walking regimen with some neighbors. Another will be walking with a walkman type device to listen to books and music. Another joined a gym. Yet another takes yoga classes. I am now spending about an hour every other day working out at a local gym. If the strongest force in the universe is the power of habit, then getting into shape requires a first step against inertia.

Marv

Northern Virginia Ethical Society Member