The Last Word

                         "My, you sure look like a fright today."

                         "Thanks."

The Last Word

  "Well, the truth of the mater is ... ."  How often did I hear that phrase from my parents to sum up and end a discussion.  Who could possibly refute the truth?  I notice a similar tactic when I post comments to some Facebook posting.  Irrespective of how cogent or intentionally humorous my observation, it somehow necessitates contradiction.  And the argument continues because the last word wins.    

I finally concluded that some of us just need to feel good about ourselves by denigrating others.  Why would our self worth be dependent on feeling superior to another?  I get that in sports, games, and work, competition brings rewards.  I don't understand why in relationships we need to be the top dog by putting our heel to others.  Worse yet, those who feel put upon, oppressed, or "disrespected," find ways to retaliate.  I think Shakespeare got it right when he wrote, "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings. " 

I wonder whether our need to feel good about our selves by belittling others is in some way tied to a pattern we learned as children.  By using our wits to insult bullies, we could successfully defend ourselves.  As grown ups, we no longer need those strategies.  Yet, we continue to use them against our partners, colleagues, and even our Facebook friends.  Is there another approach?  Why not simply say, "thanks for the comment."  Or, we might express respect for another person's opinion even while offering an argument.  And the world will not turn on its axis if someone else has the last word.  If we believe a colleague or partner is wrong, we might ask whether we can look a little closer at what is being suggested.  Really, the approach I am suggesting is geared toward treating each other with dignity.  Ultimately, I believe that we grow in each others reflected light.  

September 11th – Hope

As a younger person, I had a continuous argument with my Mom.  She did not believe in volunteering.  Mom argued that volunteers are not respected.  If the work were valuable, you would be compensated.  She also argued that by volunteering we enable philanthropic organizations to provide goods and services that rightfully ought to be provided by government.    This always seemed like an excuse to get out of volunteering.  The Democrats and Republicans also argue over providing support for the poor, elderly, and infirm.  While they agree that work is preferable to charity, they disagree on how much to distribute.  That is, The Republicans argue that distributing amounts above bare subsistence just encourages them.  This too seems like an argument that excuses selfishness.    

I do believe there are people who would tell a hungry person, “Sorry we have food but we take a principled stance against free lunches.”  And it is not beyond my imagination that some would argue against public libraries because anyone who really wanted to read would find a way without relying on government. 

I believe we are social creatures.  As such, we thrive when we act in concert for the greater good.  If our first priority is simply to grasp whatever we can for our own protection and comfort, how do we explain the efforts we make to care for each other.  Remembering September 11^th makes me both sad and glad.  Sad for the terrible losses that were suffered (and that are still being felt by many families).  Glad for the assistance provided by the police and firemen  to the victims on that terrible day and glad for the long-term assistance provided by our charities and government.

  

Aliens

                                                                  “Shake a leg!”

                                            “Not funny.”



I listened to a recent radio show on NPR that featured a space scientist and a religionist speculating on how discovery of intelligent, extraterrestrials might affect us earthlings.  Would aliens pose a threat to human existence?  What if aliens were silicon rather than carbon based, would salvation be irrelevant because they would be able to replace their worn out parts and live forever?  And would bible literalists be nonplussed over whether humans or aliens were created in the image of God?

Having grown up in the 1950’s and early 1960’s, I am well acquainted with science fiction movies and books. Who cowered under his movie seat when Gort, the giant, metallic robot from “The Day The Earth Stood Still,” emerged from a flying saucer to encounter a military deployment on the grounds of the Washington Monument?   Who threw up during the 3-D version of “The Creature From The Black Lagoon” … or perhaps it was because I devoured two boxes of nonpareils on top of a box of popcorn? 

We certainly know that aliens are a commonly used artistic conceit that permits us an honest view of our fears and aspirations and foibles.  Who marveled at the view of society offered through Valentine Michael Smith, a human raised by Martians, in “Stranger In A Strange Land?”   And my take on the entire discussion involving how the discovery of extraterrestrial, intelligent aliens might affect us was by thinking about how we treat people who seem different from us.  That is, by thinking about how men and women view each other or how we view different racial groups; individuals who have different sexual preferences; persons with disabilities, people with differing political perspectives, or folks with different religious views.  Do we treat each other as aliens from whom we need to be fearful?  Do we use insensitive behaviors that emphasize our stereotypes?  I recall the black cook at a summer camp telling me, “You can touch me, it won’t rub off.”    We do not have to agree with each other.  However, when we demonize each other, I think we set ourselves up to react to destroy rather than to accommodate.  

In Memoriam

Some of those smiling pictures reflect youthful, carefree faces from bygone days. Others portray pleasantly aged folks. Condensed biographies sketch out their age, cause of death, kinfolk, and viewing information.  You would think their listings would be under the kinder word, “Obituaries,” rather than the more realistic heading, “Death Notice.” 

Curious about why these recently deceased folks are portrayed with permanently smiling faces despite their unhappy situation, the reason became obvious.  Relatives had selected the final, public picture by which they would be viewed.  Naturally, I reflected on how I wanted to be portrayed to the world.

1)  I prefer a dour photograph for placement in the “Death Notice” newspaper listing.  I want everyone to know that I am not thrilled about my recent departure.

2)  I also prefer a site at the cemetery near a water fountain.  I would like to think that on a truly hot day people might continue to think kindly of me because of this final foresight.

3)   Unlike the lady I heard about on the radio show, The Car Guys, whose tomb stone was carved with her final words, “I told them I was sick,” I would like my tombstone to read, “Son, Father, Friend, Colleague.”

And this brings me to the purpose of this blog.  Remembrances.  I believe that once dead, we leave behind our memories.  I can not imagine occupying a heavenly park bench or being assigned to a cabin without adequate bathroom facilities for eternity. I am counting on my afterlife being much like the universe itself, lost to eternity.  However, I like to believe that my family, friends and colleagues will remember me and smile…and that is the smile I prefer.