"My, you sure look like a fright today."
"Thanks."
The Last Word
"Well,
the truth of the mater is ... ."
How often did I hear that phrase from my parents to sum up and end a
discussion. Who could possibly refute
the truth? I notice a similar tactic
when I post comments to some Facebook posting.
Irrespective of how cogent or intentionally humorous my observation, it
somehow necessitates contradiction. And
the argument continues because the last word wins.
I finally concluded that some of us just need to
feel good about ourselves by denigrating others. Why would our self worth be dependent on
feeling superior to another? I get that
in sports, games, and work, competition brings rewards. I don't understand why in relationships we
need to be the top dog by putting our heel to others. Worse yet, those who feel put upon,
oppressed, or "disrespected," find ways to retaliate. I think Shakespeare got it right when he
wrote, "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in
ourselves, that we are underlings. "
I wonder whether our need to feel good about our selves by
belittling others is in some way tied to a pattern we learned as children. By using our wits to insult bullies, we could
successfully defend ourselves. As grown
ups, we no longer need those strategies.
Yet, we continue to use them against our partners, colleagues, and even
our Facebook friends. Is there another
approach? Why not simply say,
"thanks for the comment." Or, we
might express respect for another person's opinion even while offering an
argument. And the world will not turn on
its axis if someone else has the last word.
If we believe a colleague or partner is wrong, we might ask whether we
can look a little closer at what is being suggested. Really, the approach I am suggesting is
geared toward treating each other with dignity.
Ultimately, I believe that we grow in each others reflected light.
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