As a younger person, I had a continuous argument with my Mom. She did not believe in volunteering. Mom argued that volunteers are not respected. If the work were valuable, you would be compensated. She also argued that by volunteering we enable philanthropic organizations to provide goods and services that rightfully ought to be provided by government. This always seemed like an excuse to get out of volunteering. The Democrats and Republicans also argue over providing support for the poor, elderly, and infirm. While they agree that work is preferable to charity, they disagree on how much to distribute. That is, The Republicans argue that distributing amounts above bare subsistence just encourages them. This too seems like an argument that excuses selfishness.
I do believe there are people who would tell a hungry person, “Sorry we have food but we take a principled stance against free lunches.” And it is not beyond my imagination that some would argue against public libraries because anyone who really wanted to read would find a way without relying on government.
I believe we are social creatures. As such, we thrive when we act in concert for the greater good. If our first priority is simply to grasp whatever we can for our own protection and comfort, how do we explain the efforts we make to care for each other. Remembering September 11th makes me both sad and glad. Sad for the terrible losses that were suffered (and that are still being felt by many families). Glad for the assistance provided by the police and firemen to the victims on that terrible day and glad for the long-term assistance provided by our charities and government.
I notice with my mother in law that she never volunteers for anything. She too believes that only if you are being compensated is it worth your time (we've had this conversation around me running the silent auction). She just can't fathom doing something to help others without personal benefit.
ReplyDeleteI, on the other hand, tend to give too freely - offering more time and more everything than I can truly afford (in all senses). It's just in my character as I do reap personal benefit from volunteering - it makes me feel good!
And it's interesting with my Mother in law - as I try to still figure her out. She will help - and help a lot, but only if she is asked to help. So why do I find it so hard to ask for her help? Is asking for help admitting my own failings? Is it that it makes me feel like groveling for things where I think should be shared work and not assistance/charity on her part? That's my own hang up. Asking for help is also not in my nature. Yet my mother in law asks for help all the time. We just come from opposite angles and hence, unhappiness on both parts - I never ask for her help which probably makes her feel bad. Her not offering to help which makes me feel bad.
We're complicated creatures, aren't we?
Amen. Many of us are reticent to reveal too much, typically because we do not want to overburden anyone. Yet, when we reveal ourselves, including requests for help, people grow closer. I never realized that by withholding I was actually pushing people away. I am not totally surprised by your mother in law's attitude. I once met with a Chinese delegation studying how our charities operate. They too were totally dumbfounded by the concept that people would organize to help others ...without any expectation that they would be rewarded. Their altruism was limited to the family. They also believed strongly in personal friendships...so, if you or someone else asked your mother in law for help on a personal basis, I can see her going out of her way to help. But not for a total stranger.
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